Bingo Night III: Tribute to MJ or A Girl & The Beer Chug...Pick One

As my third Bingo Night approached, I found myself daydreaming about what was going to happen that night and what I should wear (it’s a California thing). It is official: I am now utterly and completely obsessed with Bingo Night! I realized that when I found out Gilou probably wasn’t going to go this week...he was tuckered out. I kind of can’t blame him really, but the way I see it, after a few rhum and cokes and some jokes from Kako, who gives a shit? And you sweat so damn much you probably shed a few pounds of water weight… can’t get any better than that! I always try and see the positive side to things. Anyway, I understand where he’s coming from: Gilou is out so now I had to find a replacement partner in crime! But who? Who would be willing to drive aaaalllll the way to my house in Turgeau to pick me up, take me to Bingo and then safely bring me all the way back home before heading aaaalllll the way back to their own home??? I’m totally out of the way for everybody! That’s when I realized if I couldn’t make it to Bingo because I didn’t have a ride, I would DIE…like I said, completely obsessed. Especially since this week was going to be a special Bingo paying tribute to our lost King of Pop, Michael Jackson. (I will never forget that day! Blog to come soon) I absolutely had to make it this week!!!
Well, lucky for me, everyone in Haiti is soooooo unusually nice and friendly and chivalrous and willing to drive me places… anywhere I want to go! I am never left for want in Haiti. I quickly found a ride from a friend of mine, Tonton, whom has been part of our group when we go out and has been my tour guide/bodyguard for the past couple outings…I knew not to rely on a stranger, although the thought did cross my mind and although driving solo to Bingo isn’t a big deal, driving home solo afterwards is, so that’s out too. Tonton is cool people and we get along great because we’re both Americanized I guess…me more than him but whatever. So, cool, I’m back in business and on my way to Bingo! Tonton made a good call by wanting to get there extra early since it gets so packed so quickly. But on our way there, his cell phone was blowing up like Krakatoa with people wanting him to save them a seat. Honestly, the best thing you can do is say you’ll try but there’s no way in hell you can guarantee anyone a saved a seat. The rule of “you snooze, you lose” reigns supreme at Bingo Night. Tonton made that perfectly clear.
When we arrived we were able to find front row parking…yeah, crazy early. And as we walked in, I was amazed that I was actually arriving while there was still sunlight! It looked so different! We make our way to our usual spot: The jwilavi.com table and there were two of our crew already seated. We took our seats, ordered a Prestige and some fried chicken wings, relaxed and waited for Insanity to arrive…which didn’t take long.
Sweet Mickey comes out sporting an afro wig and announces Kako’s entrance who comes out sporting a geri curl wig, pilot sunglasses and a white glove on his left hand…classic. Bingo gets under way! Keep in mind, my Kreyol is virtually non-existant; shitty at best, if you will, so unfortunately I miss a lot of what is said (but, I’m not there for the jokes anyways so who cares?), so the next thing I know, Kako is calling out to the crowd asking for “Mrs. Kobe Bryant” (that would be me) and all I heard my friends frantically saying to me was “It’s for beer, it’s for beer!!!” Whaaaaa? That’s all you gotta say! So, up on the runway from the heavens to the stage I go! There’s one other girl up there already from New York. Hmmmmm, interesting: New York & California. But they want one more and they picked one from England. Nice. Now we’re global! She makes her way to the stage, all glowy and angelic and proper in her crisp white jeans and off-white silk chiffon blouse. (I have on khaki linen cargo shorts, a white tank top layered under a blue linen tunic and New York had on a tank top and jeans…totally casual) Leave it to an Englander to make us look sloppy. Kako once again says he will speak slowly so we can understand and then offers to make England some tea (oh great, it’s Pick-on-the-Foreigners week). I don’t know why, but I thought that was the funniest thing ever. I think I chuckled to myself but in actuality, I probably tossed out a loud snort.
What’s the contest, you ask? We have to chug a can of beer…SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Bitches take a seat ‘cause Mama got this one in the bag! OK, I have to admit, I was a wee bit nervous about the competition from New York because I’ve seen some of those New York women throw down. But as far as England goes, she looked like she’s never even drank a beer in her life…but who knows, isn’t England famous for their pubs? I was ready for some healthy competition…and I’m not referring to the beer. We are each handed a can of oh-so-delicious Prestige beer and the countdown begins: One, Two, Three, GO!
The next few moments are kind of a blur but I could feel beer trickling down the sides of my mouth and into my shirt… nice. But I did my best to swallow as much beer as I possibly could. As my head was thrown all the way back, beer pouring down my esophagus, I was thinking to myself, “I am Valerie, Haitian American Princess, up on a stage in a fairytale land, chugging beer in front of hundreds of people, family and friends”... Oh shut up, I was really thinking, “Oooh shit!” and I started cracking up and almost choked on my beer. I looked on either side of me and saw England to my left and New York to my right still drinking. I better get a move on! So I threw my head back once more and continued…until the last drop dripped. DONE! I turned the can upside down and slammed it onto the stage as instructed, then threw my hands straight up in the air claiming my victory. The crowd erupted in cheers (I think…at least I keep telling myself they did). I got a High 5 from Kako and then I think I started doing a victory dance….I don’t know, it was all a blur. But I won a Bingo Night license plate, a key chain and a 1000 gourdes gift certificate to Folies Gourmandes Patisserie… yummm, they make a delicious chocolate cake! I know where I’ll be Sunday morning! My parents will be soooo proud! I wonder how I would do against the guys.

The rest of the evening was filled with more fun, laughter, dancing and drinking and we paid homage to Michael Jackson. Almost every contest after my beer chug had something to do with MJ, whether it was your best impersonation, singing to a song or dancing his signature moves. At one point, a young boy was up on stage in black slacks and a coat, white T-shirt, a hat and a sparkly glove doing his MJ thing and the crowd went wild. It’s still hard to believe MJ is dead at such a young age, but it’s good to know his spirit is being kept alive and will continue as such for a very long time. Bingo was the perfect venue.
And upon getting dropped off at my Shangri La in Turgeau, I decided to take a midnight victory lap in my swimming pool under the moon and stars, and reminisce about the evening’s events and what was to come next Tuesday (my brother will be with me!)…it was a great night. <3>