Adapting in Haiti...The Last 3 Weeks.

Yes, there is more to Haiti than Bingo Night (Really?!?! SAY IT ISN’T SO!!!) And I know I haven’t blogged for a while…my son, mom and brother arrived last week so we’ve been kind of busy. But their arrival has conjured up more thoughts and new perspectives on life in Haiti. Since I have been here, I have done a lot of…let’s say…socializing. That’s what people in Haiti do…socialize…a lot! But my intention in this activity is to gather up as many names and contacts as possible and to get the buzz on what’s going on here. I think I’ve been pretty damn successful! I always try and make it a point to observe, analyze, break down into a million bits and reconstruct every possible business scenario I come across and see if there is another way…another road. That map now looks like New York City’s subway lines. There is soooooo much to do here!

But I’ll just give a little taste of what I have experienced thus far:

I attended a dance "spectacular"…invited by my cousin to see her teenage daughter perform. The storyline was based on a children's book but adapted to coincide with the story of a girl returning to Haiti after living in the States (oh, great...a story about me!)...the diaspora. The different acts provided us with classical ballet, jazz, modern dance, hip-hop and lots of kids, and some mature dancers. THAT was an experience in itself. But typically, when we go to the ballet or the opera in the States, it’s usually a formal affair where you’re dressed to the nines and on your absolute best behavior. In Haiti, you’re dressed to the nines but…you fill in the blank for the rest. It’s kind of like a school assembly filled with wily first graders who can’t keep still and not talk. Or a bunch of high school teenagers in class during an important History lesson gossiping about the cheerleader and the quarterback. I had to concentrate to keep myself focused on the ballet and not the people around me trying to get “the scoop”. And the company who did the sound and lights…well they get an A for Effort. But again, I’m from L.A.; Movieland, birthplace of musicians and concerts, plays, theaters, etc. My standards are probably unusually high. But I’m pretty sure there is a way to make sure the lights don’t blow out ALL the power halfway through the show. I’m just sayin’. (Business opportunity!)

I tried sushi in Haiti…it was…interesting. But, hey, I’m a sushi snob from California where we have a sushi restaurant on virtually every corner so I have a slightly uber-biased opinion on what sushi should be. Although, I must say I had more of an issue with the service (or lack thereof) at the restaurant. Had the service been stellar the sushi probably would have miraculously tasted better. If Dad hadn’t been the one demanding the service, we probably would still be sitting there, two weeks later, waiting for our drinks. It boggles my mind that the service at some restaurants isn’t a least GOOD if not spectacular. Don’t they realize that you get more sugar with honey? They would get bigger tips if they put just a teensy tiny bit of effort into their jobs. Oh, and at this place, if you paid the bill in Gourdes vs. US dollars (which we did because, Hi, we’re in Haiti) they charged you an extra 12%! WTF is that all about?!?! HELLOOOOOO!!! Hospitality training? Business opportunity!

Which brings me to another observation about dining out…the majority of restaurants here only serve Haitian food! Apparently, the local consensus is that the restaurants are for people who want to dine outside their own homes, a change of scenery if you will. But the majority of the places still serve local food. How about trying a little variety (with excellent service)? WOW what a concept! Now, I don’t mind eating Haitian food every meal of every day because I get so little of it in California but Haiti definitely could use a little more variety…the new places always bring a big crowd and if it’s done right it could put your place on the map for a long time! There is a Chinese place called Chez Woo that I’m half curious, half scared to try, but I’m sure someone will double-dog dare me and you will find me one afternoon chowing down on chicken chow mein and dumplings. There is one “authentically” Thai restaurant. And when I mean “authentic” I mean it’s owned and operated by an actual Thai person…not a Haitian who worked in a Thai kitchen in Miami. Haven’t made it there yet either, but a friend found it and tried it out…that’s all I’ll say about that. An Indian restaurant? I don’t know of one. A Mexican restaurant? I haven’t seen one yet either. Mmmmmm …mole, chile verde, tamales… Anywho, I think there is definitely an avenue to explore. Business opportunity!

I’ve gone to a couple different beaches finally, after my dad made me wait until my son arrived. Dominic fell in love with them and now knows why Mom doesn’t go into the water at the beaches in California unless she’s deep sea fishing way out in the middle of the ocean. The water here is crystal clear and warm. You can actually see your feet in the water and the fishies swimming all around. Dominic got in the water and never came out…same as me. I’m like a lizard who found its spot on a rock in the warm sun. It’s heaven. Needless to say, Dominic said he will only live in Haiti if we have a house on the beach and live there 24/7. I’ll have to start working on that! Maybe I can develop my own mini community with a top rated school, a market, a park, and a theater. Hmmmmm…business opportunity!
Anyway, the beaches are great because they are like private resorts. You don’t have throngs of people packing the place to the point there aren’t any spots of sand available…unlike Huntington Beach or Santa Monica Beach during a summer holiday. The beaches here are small and have tables under palapas and lounge chairs and you have someone serving you drinks and food, fresh crab and lobster pulled directly out of the ocean…can’t get any fresher than that! There is always a local fisherman waiting for your command to go fetch you fresh oysters and will crack them open and prepare them with lemon juice right in front of you…$2 American for a dozen. And local artisans & marchands will cruise by selling their goods: jewelry made from shells and local stone, stone and wooden sculptures, hand-carved boxes. So far, I’ve lugged home a necklace/bracelet/earring set, two more pairs of shell earrings and a giant conch shell. My brother picked up some paintings and tons of jewelry for his fiancée.
The best gig is to know someone who has a beach house, with toys and stuff. I’m hoping to make an overnight trip to the beach this weekend with Dominic and some friends. I’ll keep you posted on how that turns out!

Last weekend, the whole family went to the mountains for the weekend. Dad made reservations at this popular place called The Lodge, high up in the mountains of Furcy. It was built by an American who fell in love with Haiti. We timed our trip so we would stop in Kenscoff along the way and have lunch at Le Florville, a local hot spot. As we made our way up the mountain, just before reaching Kenscoff, we saw the sign for Le Montcel, another hotel that we have heard about but never actually made it to. It’s known for its eco-friendly facilities and top-notch service. The sign for it has always been there, but for some reason, it jumped up and bit us on the ass this time. So, we made a game time decision to drive there and have lunch instead. We quickly learned that it’s always good to stick to the original plan (But I like being spontaneous!). The road up there, if you can call it a road, made the road to Saut D’eau look like Cali’s famed Pacific Coast Highway. At one point, you feel like you’re not even in Haiti anymore until you round the next hill and find yourself staring directly at Port-au-Prince, the bay and the airport way down below. An hour later, we reached Le Montcel. It looked deserted but there was a man at the gate who charged us our fair ($6 U.S. each person) and directed us towards Le Chateau, the main building. The setting was beautiful with tennis courts, soccer fields, gazebos and arbors, gardens of wild flowers, and farm animals grazing against pine forests. But once we reached Le Chateau, we realized there was a huge catch: the Hotel is now only open on weekends, Saturday and Sunday, and the crew was just barely arriving…which means there was no food. Shiiiiit. Then, a couple of French men, living in the DR and vacationing in Haiti, arrived. They were charged $30 U.S. each (how the hell did that happen??!) only to find out, there is no food. So we asked for a drink instead (rhum and coke for me!) since we were starving…poor Dominic was about to die and when that kid gets hungry, look out! So now, NO ONE was in a good me (except for me and my rhum and coke) and we decided to ditch that place and drive the hour back to the main road and eat at Le Florville like we were supposed to.
Finally, at 5pm, we were eating at Le Florville. This was my first time being there in about 13 years. This used to be one of my hangouts when I was a teen and is still going strong. I’ve seen Sweet Mickey perform here and he still has his shows here on Sunday nights…playing all his classic stuff. Aaaaahhhh…good times!
After dinner, we continued up the mountain to Furcy until we reach The Lodge. It’s absolutely beautiful: A cluster of log cabins with green roofs and lots of windows with views. Dominic, my brother and I, shared a room that had two twins and a queen sized beds in it. Clean and comfortable! Mom and Dad took a 2 room suite just off the main dining courtyard. Unfortunately, we were soooo exhausted from the day’s adventures that we all fell asleep around 7:30! The night air was so cool and fresh, quiet and peaceful, seriously, I slept for 13 hours! I haven’t done that since I was 17! The next morning we enjoyed a breakfast buffet out in the courtyard and then worked it off by taking a hike down to a local cascade (waterfall), guided by the cutest local boy, named Aris, who was 10 years old but the size of a 5 year old. He was so tiny, I wanted to put him in my pocket and bring him home to Cali and turn him into the next champion thoroughbred horse jockey. But Aris was an excellent guide who taught us about the local plant life and picked wild raspberries for us to munch on. Upon our return to The Lodge, we had a drink (rhum punch for me this time), took a nap and then had lunch before heading home. I would like to make another trip there before I return to Cali.

So all in all, this place is crazy…but you just have to laugh and love it and take Haiti for who she is. So many things make NO SENSE but if you go into it knowing that, it makes it much easier to stomach. Just go with the flow and you’ll be fine. Know what to expect and you won’t have any problems. Haiti isn’t for everyone, but EVERYONE should taste it. And for those entrepreneurs out there who are curious about Haiti, or thinking about investing here, I would highly recommend jumping on it because Haiti is ready and waiting for you. I think now is the time.

Bingo Night III: Tribute to MJ or A Girl & The Beer Chug...Pick One

As my third Bingo Night approached, I found myself daydreaming about what was going to happen that night and what I should wear (it’s a California thing). It is official: I am now utterly and completely obsessed with Bingo Night! I realized that when I found out Gilou probably wasn’t going to go this week...he was tuckered out. I kind of can’t blame him really, but the way I see it, after a few rhum and cokes and some jokes from Kako, who gives a shit? And you sweat so damn much you probably shed a few pounds of water weight… can’t get any better than that! I always try and see the positive side to things. Anyway, I understand where he’s coming from: Gilou is out so now I had to find a replacement partner in crime! But who? Who would be willing to drive aaaalllll the way to my house in Turgeau to pick me up, take me to Bingo and then safely bring me all the way back home before heading aaaalllll the way back to their own home??? I’m totally out of the way for everybody! That’s when I realized if I couldn’t make it to Bingo because I didn’t have a ride, I would DIE…like I said, completely obsessed. Especially since this week was going to be a special Bingo paying tribute to our lost King of Pop, Michael Jackson. (I will never forget that day! Blog to come soon) I absolutely had to make it this week!!!
Well, lucky for me, everyone in Haiti is soooooo unusually nice and friendly and chivalrous and willing to drive me places… anywhere I want to go! I am never left for want in Haiti. I quickly found a ride from a friend of mine, Tonton, whom has been part of our group when we go out and has been my tour guide/bodyguard for the past couple outings…I knew not to rely on a stranger, although the thought did cross my mind and although driving solo to Bingo isn’t a big deal, driving home solo afterwards is, so that’s out too. Tonton is cool people and we get along great because we’re both Americanized I guess…me more than him but whatever. So, cool, I’m back in business and on my way to Bingo! Tonton made a good call by wanting to get there extra early since it gets so packed so quickly. But on our way there, his cell phone was blowing up like Krakatoa with people wanting him to save them a seat. Honestly, the best thing you can do is say you’ll try but there’s no way in hell you can guarantee anyone a saved a seat. The rule of “you snooze, you lose” reigns supreme at Bingo Night. Tonton made that perfectly clear.
When we arrived we were able to find front row parking…yeah, crazy early. And as we walked in, I was amazed that I was actually arriving while there was still sunlight! It looked so different! We make our way to our usual spot: The jwilavi.com table and there were two of our crew already seated. We took our seats, ordered a Prestige and some fried chicken wings, relaxed and waited for Insanity to arrive…which didn’t take long.
Sweet Mickey comes out sporting an afro wig and announces Kako’s entrance who comes out sporting a geri curl wig, pilot sunglasses and a white glove on his left hand…classic. Bingo gets under way! Keep in mind, my Kreyol is virtually non-existant; shitty at best, if you will, so unfortunately I miss a lot of what is said (but, I’m not there for the jokes anyways so who cares?), so the next thing I know, Kako is calling out to the crowd asking for “Mrs. Kobe Bryant” (that would be me) and all I heard my friends frantically saying to me was “It’s for beer, it’s for beer!!!” Whaaaaa? That’s all you gotta say! So, up on the runway from the heavens to the stage I go! There’s one other girl up there already from New York. Hmmmmm, interesting: New York & California. But they want one more and they picked one from England. Nice. Now we’re global! She makes her way to the stage, all glowy and angelic and proper in her crisp white jeans and off-white silk chiffon blouse. (I have on khaki linen cargo shorts, a white tank top layered under a blue linen tunic and New York had on a tank top and jeans…totally casual) Leave it to an Englander to make us look sloppy. Kako once again says he will speak slowly so we can understand and then offers to make England some tea (oh great, it’s Pick-on-the-Foreigners week). I don’t know why, but I thought that was the funniest thing ever. I think I chuckled to myself but in actuality, I probably tossed out a loud snort.
What’s the contest, you ask? We have to chug a can of beer…SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Bitches take a seat ‘cause Mama got this one in the bag! OK, I have to admit, I was a wee bit nervous about the competition from New York because I’ve seen some of those New York women throw down. But as far as England goes, she looked like she’s never even drank a beer in her life…but who knows, isn’t England famous for their pubs? I was ready for some healthy competition…and I’m not referring to the beer. We are each handed a can of oh-so-delicious Prestige beer and the countdown begins: One, Two, Three, GO!
The next few moments are kind of a blur but I could feel beer trickling down the sides of my mouth and into my shirt… nice. But I did my best to swallow as much beer as I possibly could. As my head was thrown all the way back, beer pouring down my esophagus, I was thinking to myself, “I am Valerie, Haitian American Princess, up on a stage in a fairytale land, chugging beer in front of hundreds of people, family and friends”... Oh shut up, I was really thinking, “Oooh shit!” and I started cracking up and almost choked on my beer. I looked on either side of me and saw England to my left and New York to my right still drinking. I better get a move on! So I threw my head back once more and continued…until the last drop dripped. DONE! I turned the can upside down and slammed it onto the stage as instructed, then threw my hands straight up in the air claiming my victory. The crowd erupted in cheers (I think…at least I keep telling myself they did). I got a High 5 from Kako and then I think I started doing a victory dance….I don’t know, it was all a blur. But I won a Bingo Night license plate, a key chain and a 1000 gourdes gift certificate to Folies Gourmandes Patisserie… yummm, they make a delicious chocolate cake! I know where I’ll be Sunday morning! My parents will be soooo proud! I wonder how I would do against the guys.

The rest of the evening was filled with more fun, laughter, dancing and drinking and we paid homage to Michael Jackson. Almost every contest after my beer chug had something to do with MJ, whether it was your best impersonation, singing to a song or dancing his signature moves. At one point, a young boy was up on stage in black slacks and a coat, white T-shirt, a hat and a sparkly glove doing his MJ thing and the crowd went wild. It’s still hard to believe MJ is dead at such a young age, but it’s good to know his spirit is being kept alive and will continue as such for a very long time. Bingo was the perfect venue.
And upon getting dropped off at my Shangri La in Turgeau, I decided to take a midnight victory lap in my swimming pool under the moon and stars, and reminisce about the evening’s events and what was to come next Tuesday (my brother will be with me!)…it was a great night. <3>