Story of a Haitian Wedding

If there is anything in this world I would recommend for anyone to experience in their lifetime, I would have to say one of the top things would be a Haitian wedding.

I think people in general enjoy weddings for the most part. Except for the few of us spinsters out there who may feel a slight *pang* in the heart each time we attend or are involved in one ("Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!"), weddings are happy times! I've attended lots of weddings over the years in my native California, a couple in Las Vegas, one in Louisiana, one in Seattle...all of them truly memorable! But the few weddings I have attended in Haiti are a force to be reckoned with...a phenomenon to behold!

At first, I thought maybe it was fluke...one of those rare freaks of nature that only occur once or twice in one's lifetime. But after the wedding I attended on Saturday, I am now convinced that this is a reality, this is the norm. Haitian weddings deserve their own reality T.V. show! People gotta see this!

So, shortly after our arrival in Haiti, Dad and I received a phone call by a close family friend who invited to his son's wedding once he learned through his brother that we were here. Dad and I gladly excepted!

Then reality struck me that I have NOTHING to wear to a Haitian wedding. Even my magenta tunic dress with matching BCBG pumps and flashy accessories, perfectly suitable wedding attire in the States, doesn't even come near to being suitable in Haiti...confirmed by my dad's reaction: "You can't wear that!"
Shit.

Panic starts to set in. Oh my God...What am I gonna do?!?! None of my good clothes made the stupid flight! You see, Haitian weddings are about the equivalent of a Hollywood Red Carpet event. There's NO room for error. Period. Looking good is a must & no repeats or recylced ANYTHING, otherwise there will be talk of little else.
The pressure is on. I started talking to a couple of people..."Where is a good place to shop for dresses for a wedding?" The answers were Champagne (the name alone sends shivers to my pocket book), Saga, Jaffa...

So, then Dad starts taking me to these places. Bless his heart, I'm sure it was MURDER for him to hang out while I try on dress after dress. He took me to Champagne first (let's get this bad boy outta the way first!) in PetionVille. Upon entering the boutique we are greeted by a young girl. Dad proceeds tells her in French that my luggage didn't make the trip from L.A. and we have to find a dress for a wedding on Saturday. She knew we were attending the Gardere/Bernadel wedding...I'm telling you, news travels around here! She started pulling dress after dress and I was trying the dresses on as fast as she was bringing them to me. Then I checked out the labels...
Nicole Miller, Phoebe Couture...uh ooooh...

Listen, I have no problem dropping some serious mulah on a special event. Really, I don't. But let's recap a couple things: 1) I'm unemployed and have been for too damn long. 2) It's not like the groom is my BFF or childhood playmate or a cousin with whom I'm attached at the hip. 3) I can only wear this dress once! I was having a teeny, tiny heart attack at the amount of money I was about to drop for that fabulous Nicole Miller silk number I just fell in love with. However, this is the wedding of a very close family-friend (family-family I should say). The patriarch of the family and my grandfather were attached at the hip, and raised together. This is the family I would hang out with when I would make my summer trips here growing up. I have always been introduced as their cousin even though, genetically, I am not (I don't think). They are no small peanuts by any means so I needed to get over my ridiculousness and get a dress no matter what!

Alas, this was only the first stop & I shouldn't commit to the first dress just yet...kinda like dating: You gotta test drive a few cars before you buy "the one".
So a couple days later (Friday...the day before the wedding), we hit Saga at another shopping center in PetionVille. I later found out this the place to shop because they have a little of everything (tops, jeans, bathing suits, ball gowns...) at decent prices. Bingo! I found a dress that was perfect and was even fancier than the Nicole Miller and much less pricey. After a quick run across the hall for some shoes at Hype I was all set!
I can't even begin to tell you the relief that came over me.
Holy crap, I haven't even gotten to the wedding part yet!

The day of: An appointment had been made at 10:00 am for a manicurist to come to the house so I can get a mani/pedi...she never shows up. Great. So I do the damn mani/pedi myself. Then, it's time to shower...gotta time it just right so you don't get all nasty before it's time to put the threads on. But there's no power for the water pump at 2:00 pm so the shower is just a trickle. It's time to get a little crafty and use the basin to collect the shower water so I can rinse myself off! See how stressful this can be?!?!
Finally, I get all dolled up without any MAJOR problems. I look good, I feel great! Let's go!

So, Dad and I make the trek up the mountain for the 6:00 pm wedding at the Catholic church in Laboule. It's a cute, small, contemporary-ish church tucked down off the road in a canyon next to a soccer field. At this point, it's 5:45 and Dad & I are the first "wedding people" there. There is still a mass going on inside, (Hmmm...) so Dad and I wait patiently outside taking cover from the light rain that began to come down, listening to the ending of the mass. And would you believe they started playing the same song that the orchestra was playing while the Titanic was sinking?!?! I'm totally not kidding!!! What is up with this country and the dammed Titanic music?!?! (for details on this please read last blog entry)

6:00 pm rolls around, church gets out, and only the groom, his dad and his brothers have arrived.
6:30-ish, the decorations arrive and guests have started trickling in.
6:45-ish the bride arrives.
7:00 pm the wedding begins...an hour late.
You need to know that NOTHING starts on time in Haiti and no one is punctual...except for me and Dad. I think we need to wrap our heads around that still.

I mentioned earlier that the wedding was taking place in a Catholic church...which means it's a Catholic ceremony and not a Vegas-style "Do you & do you" quickie. In the States, a Catholic wedding usually lasts 45 mins to an hour tops, right? So, can someone please tell me how a Haitian Catholic ceremony can last over an hour and a half?!?! Oh yeah, I remember now... because it's a mucical. I have never heard so many songs for a wedding IN MY LIFE! Everything was played from the traditional "Hallelujah" to the wedding fave "Ave Maria" to music from "The Phantom of the Opera". Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful ceremony and the singers were great! It was just...different. If they cut out all the music it would be a 20 minute cermony!
At one point late in the ceremony I felt like I was in Snow White with her dwarves because all the creatures of the mountain started creeping in...they must have liked all the sweet music that was playing. As I was zoned in on the giant man-eating cockroach that flew in and was dive bombing people (they call them water bugs here...whatever, it's a cockroach!), Dad elbowed me and pointed my attention to the mouse that was running across the rafters overhead. I cannot even tell you how difficult it was to not let out a blood-curdling scream. That would not make the "Nice" section of the local paper.
My back was so tense afterwards I needed either a massage or a bottle of Scotch. Since a masseuse was not available at the wedding, I took the Scotch.

Finally! The ceremony was finished and now it was time to eat, drink and be merry! We wound our way back down the mountain and headed for the Hotel Montana. It's Haiti's BEST. This is where Bill Clinton and his entourage stay when he comes here. It recently received a makeover and is, in my opinion, up there in the ranks of the Beverly Hilton or the Beverly Hills Hotel, only... tropical. Verrrrry classy. Be on the lookout for pics of me and Billy hanging out at the bar. I hope to be spending lots of time there...it's soooo pretty!
The reception was being held on one of the many levels of outdoor party-, deck-, chill- space of the hotel with expansive views of Port-au-Prince. It was absolutely beautiful! Dad and I are the first people there (again) and find our spot at a table. It's open bar...sweet. Plus, we were served champagne the moment we sat down. I think we were on round two of Scotch and one (maybe two) flute(s) of champagne when the wedding party arrived. We saw so many cousins and family members we hadn't seen in decades...some I had never even met at all! I think this is one of my favorite parts about this night because I have been on a hunt to find more relatives, and I met two more Liautaud cousins I had never met before...it was awesome. After a couple drinks, lots of meet n' greet and laughter, it was time to toast. Out comes more bubbly. OYE! Mama needs to eat!
The bride's papa gave a sweet speech and then that was the signal to go eat.

The food! I don't think I have ever seen a spread so magical! There was an outside buffet and an inside buffet. The outside buffet was under a trellis that was festooned with vines and apples. The largest display of breads and cheeses I have ever seen was sprawled out on two tables.
The buffet inside was gigantic. I have never seen so much food except for maybe the Sunday Brunch at the Mission Inn in Riverside (my favorite!). The room was romantically lit with pink, blue and purple filters over the uplights so everything glowed. The tables were not just lined up but seemed almosted sculpted in conjunction with these towers and bowls and platters of endless food. I almost didn't want to touch anything for fear of messing up the display! It was impossible to get even a tiny sampling of everything onto one plate. At any rate, I grabbed one big heaping dish of yummies and returned to the table and proceeded to pig out...daintily of course!

I have mentioned to some people before that one of my favorite memory images of ALL TIME was at my cousin's wedding in Haiti in 1996 at The Ritz. The giant swimming pool was converted into a dancefloor. And I vividly remember standing on the step of one of the terraces looking down at everyone dancing. I swear the floor was bowing under the weight of what seemed like a million people jumping up and down with their hands in the air wearing their best garb: silk chiffon, sequins, crystals, tuxes, suits (jackets on...a Haitian man never removes his suit jacket); as young as 3, as old as 80-something. It was the craziest sight I had ever seen...until this wedding on Saturday.
I wish I had taken my camera on the dancefloor to capture the moment... but that's the problem...a camera wouldn't even do it justice because it only captures a fraction of the moment. I think this is something that needs to be experienced. Even a video camera has limited vision. It was as if everyone left their inhibitions at the door. You almost don't even recognize the people you have known all your life because they have mutated into someone entirely different. The most regal and proper, the best of the best, are acting like 5 year-olds on a serious sugar high bouncing off the walls or 21 year-olds on their first trip to Las Vegas. I didn't know Versace gowns were made to move like that! The uncle of the groom, who has to at least be my dad's age, is getting down on the dancefloor. I think it even made me blush! I have some catching up to do to keep up with these party animals. I haven't seen sooooo many sweaty people since...uuuuhhhh...gee, I don't even know!
Hands in the air, singing, smiling, laughing, hugging and kissing...it was one of the coolest, happiest moments I have ever been caught up in. I hope it's not the last.

Then it's family picture time....no, I didn't put this in the wrong order. Family-picture-time came after sweaty-mess-on-the-dancefloor-time. Nice.
But everyone managed to pull it together and you would never know where they just came from. I was so glad I was there to capture that on camera. It was great to see the Gardere family together again (most of them anyways). It will forever be archived in my family album.

And so the evening ended on that note. Dad and I made our way home close to midnight before we turned into pumkins as the party raged on. We have not quite acclimated to the "party-ness" of these people...yet. You know, I think I just might become a professional Haitian wedding crasher.
As my Grandpa Ralph used to cry out at weddings: "Vive L'amour!"