BINGO NIGHT!

I’m sure many of you who know me well would think that there’s no way on God’s green earth that I would ever be seen (alive) at a Church sponsored Bingo game…and you’re so right. However, if that Bingo night wasn’t sponsored by a church or filled with old people and instead consisted of beer bongs and dirty dance moves…I’m totally in.

And so goes Bingo Night in Haiti.

My first “encounter” with Bingo Night happened on (where else?) Facebook. Through many mutual friends, I came into contact with this phenomenon. I was flipping through the photos that had been posted of previous Bingo Nights and thought to myself, “Oh, how cute, they call it Bingo Night just to be playful…looks like fun!” ALL of the pics were filled with confetti, tons of drink cups, and swarms of people in trees, sitting (standing) on walls and lifting their chairs up in the air. It’s hosted by Haiti’s rising star and MC, Kako Bourjolly, and Haiti’s longtime rockstar of ages, Michel Martelly, AKA Sweet Mickey (I’ve been to his concerts in Haiti and Los Angeles). It looked like CRAZY fun! Bingo Night was getting bigger and bigger and, now, there is no such day of the week as Tuesday; it is now known as Bingo Night. Then, as more and more Bingo Night pics were posted on Facebook, I noticed something peculiar: there were actually Bingo cards on the tables! What?!?! They’re actually playing Bingo?!?! I had to see this for myself!

So, one of my friends here in Haiti, Gilles, called me Tuesday afternoon. Gilles is my cousin’s cousin (their moms are sisters). He is about 10 feet tall, is Haiti’s resident DJ of House music and owns a nightclub. You can’t take 2 steps without people recognizing him and greeting him…a celebrity in his own right; a good person to hang out with when you wanna have a good time! Anyways, Gilles calls me and asks me how my Kreyol is coming along. “Uuuuuuhhhh…” I think was my reply. “Why?” I asked. He said he wanted to invite me to Bingo Night but if I don’t understand Kreyol I might not have fun. OK, this guy obviously doesn’t know me very well. What do I always tell people: “I can have fun in a Turkish prison!” I don’t need words to have a good time…I just like to be in the company of people having fun and good vibes…to be in the moment. And if I’m the only one who has good vibes, then I make my own party. I don’t need people to make my good time for me. Like a kid about to throw a tantrum I say, “Gilles, I wanna go to Bingo Night!”

Gilles picks me up at 7:00 pm…early in Haitian standards but since this is Bingo Night and during the workweek, it starts at 8:00 pm so you can get home at 1:00 am instead of 6:00. He had warned me to be “totally casual” and to not dress up because it’s Bingo. Oh shush, I know what to do. I’ve been coming to Haiti enough to know that the standards of casual dress are much different here than back in the States. Sure, jeans and sandals are totally acceptable, but they are jeans and sandals with “sparklies” all over, and instead of T-shirts in the States, you’re wearing a cute tank top or tube top…with all your sparkley jewelry: Haitian casual. So I was ready. Gilles tells me it might not be that great because the place has been packed since 1:00 in the afternoon and although his friends are there already, we might not have seats. Listen, Homeslice, I don’t care if I’m hanging from the ceiling fans…I wanna go!

Bingo Night is held at a place called The Garage in PetionVille. It’s basically a very large thatched roof patio with loooong tables radiating from the semi-circular stage in the corner. After paying admission and receiving our Bingo cards, Gilles and I wound our way around the entrance wall and into the open courtyard that was already filled with “standing room only” revelers… great. But the music is bumpin’ so everyone is already having a good time (and we haven’t even started playing Bingo yet!). The base was turned up so high my feet were getting tickled! So, we squeeze our way through the crowd until we came upon the end of one of the long tables filled of people where the guys were wearing the same T-shirt as Gilles: jwilavi.com. I guess this is our crowd. I am introduced to all his guy and gal pals and no sooner do I take a seat, (one of the guys gave up his seat for me…a gentleman! Imagine that!) I have a fully loaded Rhum and Coke in my hands. Yummmm…I hadn’t had one of those since the last time I was in Haiti. Everyone is sooooo nice! Gilles’ best gal pal, Flo, warns me I better be ready because she will soon be dancing on the table and chairs. Bring it on, Sista.

I’m checkin’ out all the people, and I see my cousin, Laeticia, sitting at a table against the wall. She, and the crowd she’s with, is sponsoring Vieux Labbe, Haiti’s newest Rhum, evident by the matching T-shirts she and her crew are wearing. I want to go say Hi to her but the place was way too packed! We opt for blowing kisses to each other instead. I look around some more and I see some of the Gardere boys who recognize me first and frantically wave their Hellos and blow me some more kisses….I'm always running into family here!

At 8:00 pm Bingo Night was getting under way. Sweet Mickey takes the mic and introduces Kako who made his grand entrance from the back of the room. Oh man, I was so excited I could hardly stand it. Kako finally winds his way through the packed crowd and up onto the stage. Then, to get the crowd going, (What? You mean, no one is wound up already?!?!) Kako and Sweet Mickey toss a GIANT beach ball into the crowd. Talk about a good way to get everyone’s attention! The ball gets tossed all over the place until it collides with one of the ceiling fans and bends it’s blades up so it can’t spin anymore….good thing I wasn’t hanging from that ceiling fan. It’s time to put that bad boy away. But out comes 3 smaller beach balls and it’s a game of modified Hot Potato. All the balls get tossed about until the music stops. One of the balls is discretely marked with an “X”. When the music stops, whoever is holding the marked beach ball is the winner and gets a prize. Great ice breaker…as if they needed one.

“Blah, blah, blah…Kreyol, Kreyol, Kreyol…somethin’, somethin’, somethin’…Bingo Night!” is all I heard. (I’m sorry! I’m still workin’ on my Kreyol!) The first letter/number is called out. Next thing I know, three guys are up on stage beer bong racing!!!!! WTF?!?!
Apparently, in Haitian Bingo, no one actually ever reaches BINGO. And now I can’t even imagine what would happen to you if you did. But here, if you even have the letter/number combo that’s called up, you end up on stage to perform “an act” that has been chosen for you by either Kako, Sweet Mickey, or the crowd. You think I’m kidding, right?

Bingo Night has gotten so popular, it is now fully sponsored by several companies and businesses of Haiti. So there are TONS of prizes to give away: Gift certificates to Royal Market, Jaffa, Champagne (remember that store I mentioned before?), Digicel phone cards, car stereos, dinners at fancy restaurants, motorcycles…the list goes on.
(OK, hold on, Dad just gave me a cocktail of Barbancourt Rhum, sugar, vanilla extract and lime juice that’s kicking my ass and I’m not even halfway through it yet! If my words start to not make sense you’ll know why)

Anywho, the good times keep coming. The next letter/number is pulled from a dried gourd with a Bingo Night bumper sticker plastered on it and the games continue. People go up on stage and do their thing. One group was one guy and three girls who all had the same combo. The three girls had to perform a lap dance on the guy in order to win the prize. I’m not sure what the guy had to do but with three free lap dances, I’m pretty sure he won either way. Here’s where I start to get a little scared: There is NO WAY I would be able to do that. Don’t get me wrong…I can lap dance with the best of them…. Uuuuuuhhhh… scratch that last part, please. Family members, forget you read that part. What I’m saying is, as Valerie Michelle Liautaud, I would not/ could not/ should not be behaving like that. Period. Thank God I’m not up there on stage right now.

So, now, the middle part is kind of a blur. All I know is I’m having the time of my life. Another letter/number are drawn and the next thing I know, my pals are cheering me on. What is going on here? I hear Gilles tell me, “Go up! Go up!”

Freakin’ B12. It was on my card. I made up every excuse I could to protest. Hard to believe, right? But I don’t speak the language. I was going to get boo’d off the stage the second Kako tries to talk to me and I have that retarded dear-in-headlights look on my face. But, all of a sudden, something snapped inside me. “No one is going to boo me! ” I thought. F**k it. You only live once. I’m going up. I think I mentioned earlier how packed this place got. And I do mean packed. There obviously are no fire regulations in regards to Max Capacity in Haiti. How the hell am I going to make my way up on stage? There is absolutely zero wiggle room between the tables and chairs. And then I see it…the runway from the heavens: our looong table making a B-line to the stage…and up I go.

I cautiously make it down the long table, careful not to spill anyone’s drinks. They help me by holding onto a hand as I traverse the wobbly table, step down on a chair that someone freed up for me and up the wooden stairs to the stage… right into Sweet Mickey. By this time, a ton of people were on stage, who also had B12 on their cards. But Sweet Mickey grabbed my hand…here is my chance…”I only speak English!” “OK” he says and hands my hand over to Kako, says something to him in Kreyol and then Kako pulls me over to the side. I’m lost in all the chaos. This could end badly. But one of Gilles friends, Laurie, who also had that dammed B12, pulled me aside again and directed me what was going on. That’s nice. I must have looked like a freakin’ rag doll on stage. In this contest (did I mention it was to win the motorcycle?), since there were so many people, it was guys first, and then the girls. They had to either sing (know the words to the song that was picked by the MC’s or crowd, usually a popular song in Kreyol) or dance (the best you know how…the dirtier the better). Kako and Sweet Mickey weeded through the contestants until the on-stage crowd thinned out. I had found a place at the back of the stage and waited to be picked. Sweet Mickey was offering shots of Rhum in which I practically grabbed the bottle from his hands instead of the glass. I took a huge shot. Finally, it was my time to get this outta the way. They pulled three of us up front for introductions…the other two girls first. Then it’s my turn.

Kako is holding my hand and in a soft voice says, “Allo”.
“Hi”
In English Kako says, “I…will…speak…slooowwwly… so…you…can…understand…me.”
“I understand English. It’s the Kreyol I have an issue with” I retort.
“Where… are… you…from?”
“Los Angeles”. The crowd erupts in cheers and hoots.
“Oooooh…Are…you…a…Lakers...fan?”
“Lakers #1 Baby!” Half the crowd jumps to their feet while the other half boo’s. I half expected to be whacked by an empty, airborn Prestige beer bottle.
“Well…you know…there…are…a lot…of…Orlando…fans…here.”
“Obvisouly.”
“But… Kobe Bryant… is… #1,”
“Hell yeah he is!”…the crowd erupts again.
“Are…you…single?” Kako continues, “If…you…are,…not…for…loooooong!!!”
I don’t even think I had the chance to answer. I noticed a guy in the crowd gesturing as if talking on the phone, mouthing, “Call me!” My face scrunched up, wagged my finger at him and said, “No way!” Oh great…this is going to be a long night.

I get yanked back into ranks and he announces we have to do our best “Single Ladies” by Beyonce dance routine. Oh my goodness.
The music starts and we start doing our thing. I haven’t seen the video in months so I resorted to just being plain silly....but clean. I really didn’t care if I won the stupid motorcycle. What the heck am I gonna do with a motorcycle in Haiti?!?! My main objective was to get me off this stage. Then Kako stops the music. Thank God this is over, I thought to myself. I was wrong.

Kako announces a new song… T-Pain’s “Low” song (She had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans], Boots with the fur, [With fur], The whole crowd was lookin' at her, She hit the floor [She hit the floor], Next thing you know, Shawty got low,low,low, low,low,low,low,low...) Yeah, that one . The crowd wanted to see us get low, low, low, low, low, low low. Shiiiiit. Remember when said earlier that I could not behave a certain way? This is it. This is exactly what I was referring to. But the thought of dancing like a stripper was so asinine, I just started cracking up after giving a half-assed booty-shaking effort. One of the other girls was humping the ground. No thanks. I’m out. Of course, she won that round. So, back I go to my spot with my friends. I made the long trek down the table and was greeted by hugs and high fives. I survived. The next group of girls who had to sing got 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” song (Go,go,go,go,go,go Shawty, It's your Birthday, We're gonna party like it's your Birthday, We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday, And ya know we don't five a f**k it's not birthday...). DAMN! I know ALL those words! I would have totally won! Oh well.

After that I spent the rest of the night dancing on my chair with Flo dancing on her chair beside me. It was a great time. I was even able to get some video of the crowd. I’ll have to figure out a way to post being that I’m still slightly challenged in the technological department.

Finally, Bingo Night had come to an end at midnight. Everyone was soaking wet in sweat and spilled Rhum. A midnight dip in the pool sounded sooooo inviting. Gilles and I make the walk back to his truck which took awhile from all the people stopping us to greet him again. But we finally make it back to his truck and he brought me safely home. I didn’t take that dip in the pool but I cleaned myself up before crawling into bed and laid there for a couple hours because I was so excited from the evening’s festivities that I was wide awake and daydreaming. I think I finally dozed off around 2:00 am. I had to be up by 6:00 for a trip to the back country with my dad but I didn’t care. I had so much fun I figured any hurt the next day would totally be worth it. And it was.
I look forward to Bingo Night again next week.

Where's Waldo? Can you find me in the pic?